so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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