Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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