moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
