Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
