thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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