then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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