Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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