I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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