she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
