You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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