Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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