How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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