apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
