dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
