he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
