you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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