Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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