party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
