Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
