She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Farmville is her only friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
