Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
