never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
