She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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