Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
