Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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