well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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