Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
