This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
