Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
