But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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