I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
