pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
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