last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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