your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
