I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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