she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
