You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
