his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
