the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
