Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
