im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
