I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
