Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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