I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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