I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
