So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
