Yo dont text me then not text me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
