I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
