so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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