so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
