In the future we'll all be gay
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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