so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
